remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
