I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
