That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
