Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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