Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
