Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
