yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
