He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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