Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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