Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
