Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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