remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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