Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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