I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize