Little spoons don't ask big questions
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
