i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
