Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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