Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
