Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
