I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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