a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
