Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
