She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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