I hate all girls vehemently.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
