I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Umm I'm too high to move.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
