Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
