she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I didn't notice because vodka
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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