I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
