yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
