I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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