gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
