Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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