I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
