i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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