who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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