i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
