What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
