I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
