Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
