I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
