the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize