The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
