Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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