I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
