The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
