You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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