I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
