Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So vagazzling was a success
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
