remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
