6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
