I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
