I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
