Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
