1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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