Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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