Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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