it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
