my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize