it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
