Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
