member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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