He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize