OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
