So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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