What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
