Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
