One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Randomize