who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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