im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
