Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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