Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
