i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
