My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
