and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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